How Grand It Is...

My children were recently in the company of their grandparents. (From here forward known as "The Grands". )
Grand: of high moral or intellectual value; extraordinarily good or great.

Grandparent, of course, is radically different than the simple label parent. Parents can reasonably expect to never receive the "grand" adjective from their direct offspring. As a matter of fact, Gracie is quite certain we are called parents because we are lacking some of the basic characteristics that define what grandparents naturally are. Grand: rich and superior in quality.

Grandpa: the father of your father or mother. / Grandma: the mother of your father or mother. Suprisingly, Webster could not come up with something more extravagant to define the apparent awesomeness that is "The Grands". Maybe it was best to leave it in simplicity than try to capture the essence and fail.

Grandstand: perform ostentatiously in order to impress the audience and with an eye to the applause. My children can practically recite this definition by heart. Especially the "with an eye to the applause" portion. This of course, is courtesy of The Grands, who have an incredible ability to turn every action from my children into a performance.

Grand theft: larceny of property having a value greater than some amount (varies by locale). I have witnessed the above mentioned larceny first hand. I drop off my children for a visit with The Grands, and when I return, my children have been replaced. The Grands, having indulged their every whim, have stolen the children I dropped off and returned little monsters in their place.

The children I left in their care had value! I put blood, sweat and tears into teaching them manners, making them obey, feeding them nutritious meals and making sure they got enough sleep. In return, I receive children who have eaten sugar cereal, stayed up past bedtime, watched lots of television, been applauded for even the slightest bit of good behavior, and are deliriously happy.

Forget that last part. It's really irrelevant.

My personal experience with The Grands was that no infraction was left unpunished. Indulgence was not a character trait known to these two individuals, and manners were instilled ruthlessly. My children's experience has been quite different. In fact, I'd say it's been almost completely the opposite.

Grandeur: the quality of exaltation of character or conduct. Oh yes, someone's conduct is always being exalted when mommy comes to pick up her brood. "Oh, they were just angels!" say The Grands.

Uh huh. It's kind of hard to be devilish when nothing is off limits.

Grandiloquent: puffed up with vanity. Didn't even know that was a word, did ya? Well, this is another one that can be defined verbatim by the replacement children my parents return to us. Yep, the kids think they are the bees knees after a trip to The Grands.

"Grand"child: noun - a child of your son or daughter. The Grands say they have waited a long time to have grandchildren. Just as my children refuse to bestow the title on me, apparently my own parents refuse to grant me the title as well. Maybe it's because I never attributed the adjective to them...

Oh well. What goes around, comes around. If I'm lucky, someday I'll have grandchildren. Guess I'm going to have to stock up on the sugar cereal.