Parenting Proverbs

Things I Never Thought I'd Say

• "And don't poop in the closet!"
• "Get your feet off your dinner plate."
• "Honey, please just go play with your knives for a little while until mommy's done." (They were plastic, and she loved sorting them.)
• "Don't put your head in the toilet!"
• "(Insert child's name here) just peed on me."
• "Don't put your green beans up your nose."
• "Don't bite my nose!" (Thanks Debra!)
• "Don't lick the dog!"
• "Don't stab yourself with your dinner fork sweetie!"
• "Don't eat my hair." (Thanks Debra!)
• "Let me poop in peace!" (Thanks Leanne!)

You Might be the Parent of a Toddler If

• You regularly find the words "pee", "poop" or "potty" coming up in conversation.
• You use the words "No", "Don't", "Stop" and "Call 911" regularly.
• Toileting discussions are no longer taboo - even at dinnertime.
• You can sing the theme song to Elmo's World, Blue's Clues, Dora the Explorer or The Wiggles.
• "Nap Time" and "Bed Time" have replaced "Vacation" and "Massage" as your two favorite words.
• Parking at a store is now based on the closest shopping cart, not the entrance.
• Inanimate objects no longer stay where you put them (keys especially!). (Thanks Debra!)
• You know where the bathroom is located in every retail establishment in town.
• You can't remember what it's like to sleep in on a Saturday.
• The phrase "If you don't stop crying, I'll give you something to cry about!" now makes perfect sense.
• You know why your mother insisted you take a nap - she needed one too!
• You are sure that you are ruining your children, but you refuse to let anyone else raise them.
• Finding the hand mixer in your son's closet doesn't phase you.
• Finding your toddler has obeyed without your having to repeat yourself - astounds you.
• You have ever lifted someone into the air solely to sniff their hind quarters, searching for poop.
• You know exactly where to find the Mr. Clean Magic Eraser, but can't find your keys.

Do you have something to add? This page is a work in progress. I would like to add new categories, and would love to hear your stories.

E-mail me: SunnySAHM(at)gmail(dot)com. I look forward to hearing from you!